That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
