I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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