im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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