He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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