So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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