And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
