Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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