I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
