Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
