WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
