You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
