hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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