you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
