We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
