I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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