when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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