I'm drive I can fine osifer
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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