Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
