we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
