apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
