we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
