his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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