i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
