My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need moral support for this bender
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
