so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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