Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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