What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
