I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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