Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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