I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
