the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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