I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
