I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
