Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
