Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You are a genius and a whore.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize