i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
