I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my liver is dry heaving
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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