im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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