i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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