I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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