New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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