if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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