We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
