he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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