This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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