Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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