i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
