Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
