btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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