I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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