I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
