'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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