I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
