I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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