I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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