is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
