thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
