soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We got so high we made milksteak
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
