speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize