i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
