His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
