i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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