the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
