Someone shit on the floor
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
