White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
