i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
