Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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