so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
