i already hear my dad disowning me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
