I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
